i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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