saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
