i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
