please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
