No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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