I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
