he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
