mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
