and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
