You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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