I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
