I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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