Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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