i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
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the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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