a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dignity is for republicans.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
