I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
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