Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
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Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You are the jesus of drinking
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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