can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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