you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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