i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
