I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
