so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
