I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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