I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
