if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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