Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
