I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize