I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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