if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My life is pants optional.
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