Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
