He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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