There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
one might say we're banned from that church
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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