I faked an abortion last night.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
