I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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