i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
