He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
