today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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