Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo