I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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