Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.