I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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