I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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