handjob tips. give me some.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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