but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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