Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.