if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's