She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
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I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!