WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
