3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
