Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
