I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
