She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
