Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
