i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Blood and glitter go together right?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
