I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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