i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
