I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
