I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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