I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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