I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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