Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
