i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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