Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
