I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
