I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
