Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
