I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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